Book The 5 Love Languages Chapman

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She wanted sympathy. She wanted me to listen, to give her attention, to let her know that I could understand the hurt, the stress, the pressure. She wanted to know that I loved her and that I was with her. She didnt want advice; she just wanted to know that I understood. But I never tried to understand. I was too busy giving advice. What a fool. And now she is gone.more...

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For the female, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology. There is nothing physically that builds up and pushes her to have intercourse. Her desire is emotionally based. If she feels loved and admired and appreciated by her husband, then she has a desire to be physically intimate with him. But without the emotional closeness she may have little physical desire. Because the male is physically pushed to have sexual release on a somewhat regular basis, he may automatically assume that that is his primary love language.more...

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Thats right, I said, and he also said that is what he would want someone to do for him if she loved him. He was doing those things for you and with you because in his mind thats the way anyone shows love. Once you were married and living in your own house, he had expectations of what you would do if you loved him. You would keep the house clean, you would cook, and so on. In brief, you would do things for him to express your love. When he did not see you doing those things, do you understand why he would feel unloved?more...

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You might even want to explain the five love languages to them and discuss your love language as well as theirs. Perhaps you do not feel loved by your older children. If they are old enough to understand the concept of love languages, your discussion may open their eyes. You may be surprised at their willingness to start speaking your love language and, if they do, you might be surprised at the way your feelings and attitudes toward them begin to change. When family members start speaking each others primary love language, the emotional climate of a family is greatly enhanced. chapter fourteen A PERSONAL WORD In chapter 2, I warned the reader that understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behavior. Now I ask, What do you think? Having read these pages, walked in and out of the lives of several couples, visited small villages and large cities, sat with me in the counseling office, and talked with people in restaurants, what do you think?more...

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She has actually made me feel like a man again. Weve got a ways to go, Dr. Chapman, but I really believe we are on the road. When I talked to Betty Jo, however, I found that she had only taken a baby step forward. She said, It has improved some, Dr. Chapman. Bill is giving me verbal compliments as you suggested, and I guess he is sincere.more...

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I cooked, I washed, I ironed, I cooked, I washed, I ironed. I did all the things I thought a good wife should do. I had sex with him because I knew that was important to him, but I felt no love coming from him. I felt like he stopped dating me after we got married and simply took me for granted. I felt used and unappreciated. When I talked to Jim about my feelings, hed laugh at me and say we had as good a marriage as anybody else in the community. He didnt understand why I was so unhappy. He would remind me that the bills were paid, that we had a nice house and a new car, that I was free to work or not work outside the home, and that I should be happy instead of complaining all the time. He didnt even try to understand my feelings. I felt totally rejected.more...

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A few minutes after saying good-byes to those attending the seminar, we were in the car for our forty-five-minute drive to the airport. And Pete and Patsy began to tell me their story. In the early years of their marriage, they had tremendous difficulties. But some twenty-two years earlier, all of their friends agreed that they were the perfect couple. Pete and Patsy certainly believed that their marriage was made in heaven. They had grown up in the same community, attended the same church, and graduated from the same high school. Their parents had similar lifestyles and values.more...

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Why is it that a couple can attend a communication workshop, hear wonderful ideas on how to enhance communication, return home, and find themselves totally unable to implement the communication patterns demonstrated? How is it that we read a magazine article on 101 Ways to Express Love to Your Spouse, select two or three ways that seem especially good to us, try them, and our spouse doesnt even acknowledge our effort? We give up on the other 98 ways and go back to life as usual. We must be willing to learn our spouses primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. The answer to those questions is the purpose of this book. It is not that the books and articles already published are not helpful. The problem is that we have overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages. In the area of linguistics, there are major language groups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese, Greek, German, French, and so on.more...

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I decided to personally excavate the roots of the Christian faith. Examining the historical accounts of Christs birth, life, death, and resurrection, I came to view His death as an expression of love and His resurrection as profound evidence of His power. I became a true believer. I committed my life to Him and have found that He provides the inner spiritual energy to love, even when love is not reciprocated. I would encourage you to make your own investigation of the one whom, as He died, prayed for those who killed Him: Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. That is loves ultimate expression. The high divorce rate in our country bears witness that thousands of married couples have been living with an empty emotional love tank. The growing number of adolescents who run away from home and clash with the law indicates that many parents who may have sincerely tried to express love to their children have been speaking the wrong love language. I believe that the concepts in this book could make an impact upon the marriages and families of our country.more...

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Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession. After marriage, we revert to being the people we were before we fell in love. Our actions are influenced by the model of our parents, our own personality, our perceptions of love, our emotions, needs, and desires. Only one thing is certain about our behavior: It will not be the same behavior we exhibited when we were caught up in being in love. That leads me to the second truth illustrated by Mark and Mary. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Mark and Mary were criticizing each others behavior and getting nowhere. Once they decided to make requests of each other rather than demands, their marriage began to turn around. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges.more...

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